Missing Environmentalist causes a stir in the community.

Posted on Monday, February 23, 2009

Green Party mouthpiece, Abner Greensteen, was reported missing by his wife Mindy Greensteen. The couple was heard “arguing over bills,” neighbors say, and “Abner stormed away from their apartment.” Authorities are skeptical about Abner’s disappearance. “It’s not the first time she’s cried wolf,” stated Police officials. Abner Greensteen was last seen protesting by himself in an area of the city well known for its criminal activity. Community Organizers made the statement, “ He was only trying to improve the quality of life in those neighborhoods, he was only trying to “Green the Ghetto.” Search party organizers have set up “Abner Watch” at the Vegan Pit Community Restaurant and Compost Center.
"The Green Party is no longer the alternative, the Green Party is the imperative" Rosa Clemente

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First Bankers, Then Porno, Now...Ballerinas?

Posted on Monday, February 16, 2009

In the age of bailouts and rescue plans, dancer Bobby Jackson has also requested a helping hand from Uncle Sam.  Jackson claims that advanced ticket sales for his performance of Don Quixote starring performance artist, Klauss, and local mortgage broker, Raphael Coolidge have been bleak at best. It seems that he won’t even be able to cover the cost of renting the black box theatre at the Producers Club on West 44th street in Manhattan.
 “I’ve got nowhere to turn”, say’s Jackson, defeated. “The government owes us something for getting out there and dancin’ for people. This aint footloose ya know.  Dancin’s not illegal and it brings a lot of needed heart to a shaken nation. People don’t know who they can trust any more….but I’ll tell ya one thing: they can trust dancers”.  
A man of few words, but impassioned nonetheless.  Jackson’s hearing before congress is set for March 9, 2009.  We wish him the best of luck in his pursuit for solvency.

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