The model melee that occurred in Manhattan over the weekend has many of us questioning the priorities of our young girls. With life outside of the classroom turning into a sloppy mess of wasted hours on social networks pining away for popularity, we look back to a simpler time when girls just screamed and fainted in the presence of matinee idols.  When we asked local resident, Mindy Greensteen what she thought of all the hoop-la she had a few choice words for the misguided youth, "look inside ladies...find out what it means to have a uterus.  Don't go trampling your sisters just to become validated by a former supermodel.  Stop using pump hair spray bottles to give yourself that perfect 80's boardwalk volume.  Stop doing your nails in the front seat of your boyfriends hummer trying to look cute, and cover up for the fact that you just performed fallacio on him riding shotgun.  Watch it girls, or you'll wind up with a different kind of shotgun...if ya know what I mean.  Get out and pick up some trash on the street.  Educate Grandma on why she shouldn't clean the house with 30 year old bleach from under the kitchen sink.  Do something decent!  Fight for change!"  There you have it an impassioned diatribe from Citizen Mindy.  Go forth and be brave almighty brethren of the uteri!  But I digress, Mindy actually makes a lot of sense.  The truth is...Well I should say, the big question is: how many of those females were actually model material.  I mean, what our runway-ridden, magazine-maddening culture would deem to be attractive, hot, smokestack-tresses who embodied all the symmetry necesarry to make even the simplest of creatures stop and stare in awe.  My guess: not many.  So, in conclusion, I'd like to see a replay of this day where all the ugly girls stayed home.  That's all here from the news desk for now.  Be good, be healthy, and stop worrying whether or not people think you're pretty.

Roger De la Soul is slowly losing cash in this ever-increasing volatile market place.  The deal he thought that he would be striking with Amazon.com on their new "we'll buy your used video games", from the gaming set, has totally fallen through.  Actually he was just cut out altogether.  De la Soul had it in for the folks at GameStop after one of the executives kicked his ass "literally", in a heated game of squash at the Atlantic Club, in Red Bank New Jersey.  De la Soul hates losing, especially on his home turf.  After nursing his misery in a frozen coconut margarita at the juice bar, De la Soul found himself unable to shake his hatred for the GameStop Executive.  During a drunken phone call to a friend at Amazon, De la Soul had hatched his plan on cutting into GameStop's used gaming business which makes up 25% of their market cap.  Amazon bit, and the deal was in the making.  But as rumor has it, De la Soul's taste for the coconut margarita's, and his inflated sense of self, cut him out of the deal just as fast as the touchdown pass he threw to Amazon.  Only time will tell if GameStop can weather the storm.  However, one thing is for certain: De la Soul will be thinking a little harder about the next idea he decides to hatch under a coconut crushed haze.