Naked Cop Swings Candy Cane at Wife

Whispering Hollow, NJ. – Local Whispering Hollow Police Officer, Butch Sugarman, was taken into custody today. Officer Sugarman was found naked on his lawn yielding a plastic candy cane in what appeared to be the result of an argument with his wife of 22 years.  Neighbors say, “He was naked, screaming obscenities and swinging a holiday decoration, wildly.” Mrs. Sugarman was unavailable for questioning, but witnesses say,  “She was in her night gown, spitting eggnog on her naked husband, when the Police arrived to the residence.” Local Mailman, Stewart Swagger, discovered the Sugarmans on their lawn and over heard the couple’s argument. Swagger states, “Butchy was naked yelling at Phyillis about Danny, Daniel McSwigtits, our Danny.” Daniel McSwigtits, a local football hero and beloved son of the Quarry owner, Mickey McSwigtits, is a cherished, hard working member of society in the peaceful common wealth of Whispering Hollow, N.J. No formal charges have been made in what appears to be a domestic violence dispute. When asked about his involvement in this bizarre incident, Daniel McSwigtits, stated "I hate my job" and nothing else.