New Swine Flu Symptoms Revealed: Beer Goggles and Walks of Shame
Posted on Monday, April 27, 2009
(MP) - The federal government has declared a public health emergency after 20 swine flu cases were confirmed in the United States. Originating in Mexico, where as many as 1,614 reported cases have been reported, it has been revealed that college spring breakers are, in fact, the source of the concern in the U.S. President Obama said Monday that the swine flu outbreak is a "cause for concern and requires a heightened state of alert, but is not a cause for alarm. We have always had knowledge of the what these kids refer to as “hogging”, and we feel that we will be able to take the necessary precautions to eradicate and educate.”
“Hogging” is what young adults, usually males 18-25, refer to as getting highly inebriated, and then proceeding to have sex with over-weight women that they would normally not consider to be desirable conquests. During this year’s spring break, where traditionally the highest percentage of drinking and hogging is practiced in the calendar year, there seems to have come an unusual amount of hogging out of Mexico – one of the most popular spring-break destinations.
“We are seeing these kids come in with what seem like common flu-like symptoms,” explains Dr. Abraham Schwartz, “you know: lethargy, lack of appetite, nausea, vomiting. But then after further inquiry, they begin to speak of heightened sex-drives, blurred vision, desperation, and an ultimate feeling of depression that then leads to the more manifest symptoms of lethargy and vomiting.”
The federal government is closely monitoring emerging cases and had declared a public health emergency as a "precautionary tool to ensure that we have the resources we need at our disposal to respond quickly and effectively."
Meanwhile, the European Union's health commissioner Monday called on people to avoid traveling to both the United States and Mexico, which seems to be the epicenter of the desperate “hogging” epidemic. The World Health Organization has also called the outbreak a "public health emergency of international concern."
“We are trying to determine how easily this very mean spirited mentality can jump from person to person,” explained Kenobi Moo, WHO's spokesperson, “it is too early to predict whether there will be a mild or serious pandemic. We need to get to the bottom of this hogging, or swine flu, or whatever it is you wish to call it, before it mutates and becomes harder to treat or fight off because people have no natural immunity.”
Incoming international passengers into the U.S. are now asked on a form whether they have various symptoms that might indicate that they are serial “hoggers”. Some of the questions on the form are, “Did the same heavy set woman that you saw in the beginning of the night look better to you after ten beers?” and, “when you awoke with said woman, did you sneak out and hide it from your friends?”
In Mexico City, where hogging is apparently rampant, authorities closed all universities until further notice, and military troops distributed 4 million filter masks in the city of 20 million residents. Mayor Marcelo Ebrard said he is wearing a mask "to promote people to use" it. Apparently the Mexican government feels that covering up these women will be able to get the situation under control, and stop apathetic U.S. college students from continuing their predator-like instincts.
“If the people of the United States will not stop being intentionally insulting to our women,” declares Ebrard, “then we will have no choice but to put the SQUEEZE on them.”
Posted in Health , World | Make a Comment (50)
Manic Comments
50 Comment(s)
asics gel nimbus shoes
March 17, 2011 @ 9:06 AM"Wall Creeper in Colorado, Master Legend in Florida, and Mr. Extreme in California. However, one scantily clad super hero has been declined for membership in this extremely elite community, and that is New Jersey’s own – Super Man-Thon"
Kristabelle
June 1, 2011 @ 12:55 AM"That's not just the best aneswr. It's the bestest answer!"
chi flat iron
August 4, 2011 @ 5:14 AM"Good article makes constant progress, thank you share, the accumulation of knowledge is to keep learning, attention is the beginning of wealth."
cheap chi flat iron
August 4, 2011 @ 5:14 AM"Thanks for taking this opportunity to discuss this, I feel fervently about this and I like learning about this subject"
Christian Louboutin Sale
August 5, 2011 @ 3:55 AM"Thanks for sharing, i enjoy reading your articles."
Christian Louboutin Canada
August 5, 2011 @ 5:16 AM"With all-sides information include, great post."
buy cheap and good quality watches here
September 16, 2011 @ 9:44 AM"In 1908 Wilsdorf registered the trademark rolex watches and opened an office in La Chaux-de-Fonds, Switzerland. The company name authentic burberry scarves was registered on 15 November 1915. The book The Best of Time:watches for men: An Unauthorized History by Jeffrey P. Hess and James Dowling says that the name was just made up. One story, never confirmed by burberry bags, is that the name came from the French phrase horlogerie exquise, meaning exquisite cheap rolex watches or as a contraction of ;horological excellence;. Wilsdorf was said to want his swiss watches brand's name to be easily pronounceable in any language. He also thought that the name ;luxury watches online; was onomatopoeic, sounding like a watch being wound. It is easily pronounceable in many languages and as all burberry scarves have the same size, allows to be written symmetrically. It was also short enough to fit on the face of a rolex watches sale.
In 1914 Kew Observatory awarded a OMEGA watches a Class A precision certificate, a distinction which was normally awarded exclusively to marine chronometers.
If you like luxury watches, www.cheap-rolexwatches.org is your best choice.
Our company also many other luxury products in www.discount-bags-online.com, like designer bags online, burberry scarf sale online, burberry scarves online, discount burberry scarves, burberry scarf sale, lv handbag, louis vitton, chanel 2.55, classic chanel bag, chanel handbags, gucci sale, gucci bags etc.
www.goodburberry.com also is your best choice to shopping online."
Hogan sito ufficiale
September 26, 2011 @ 11:15 PM"1 thing I like regarding weblog content articles is actually they trigger the believed during my thoughts. The moment that occurs, Personally i think such as I have to remark wanting it is useful in order to other people. you will find manyherself/himself WE discover personally time for your own website due to the fact you've lots of huge insightsare really only at that quite a long time, that is really thrilling. creativity within other people"
cheap clothes online
September 28, 2011 @ 11:13 PM"It makes me feel so surprise.I never know there is such a place that I can find cheap designer clothing,The site offers different designer clothing wholesale kinds of LV,Chanel,Coach etc.It's really a great clothes stores with cheap and high quality.Join it now!"
ken griff shoes
September 28, 2011 @ 11:15 PM"This article is impressive,I hope that you will continue doing nice article like this.And do you like ken griff shoes,I have collected many beautiful griff shoes these years, the griff are so popular, I think you also can shop one ken griff shoes online store."
christian louboutin outlet
September 29, 2011 @ 10:05 PM"I am really enjoying reading your well written articles. It looks like you spend a lot of effort and time on your blog. I have bookmarked it and I am looking forward to reading new articles. Keep up the good work."
true religion outlet
September 29, 2011 @ 10:09 PM"Thanks for post. I keep more interesting publications. Been following blog for five days now and I should say I am beginning to like your article this site. I need to know how can I subscribe to your blog?"
Chanel Bags
September 30, 2011 @ 11:38 PM"The moment that occurs, Personally i think such as I have to remark"
moncler
October 3, 2011 @ 8:55 PM"I am a blog beginner. I am also interested in such kind information. You provide me a good example. Thanks very much. I will keep on reading your blogs."
nike shox shoes
October 20, 2011 @ 9:39 PM"beautiful big Fay Jones house his supporters had built for him when, after twelve years"
Juicy couture Outlet
October 21, 2011 @ 10:22 PM"25.I wanted to thank you for this great read!! I definitely enjoying every little bit of it I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff you post"
ugg outlet store
October 28, 2011 @ 1:13 AM"I'm a wonderful enthusiast of your respective webpage, initially when I first commenced with the help of drupal I stumbled upon it problematical as a consequence of seeking to work together with solar cells. My business is at the same time connected with establishing my website counterfeit oakley sun glasses along with your drupal most beneficial web template modules blog post ended up being sixth is v. very helpful. Appreciate your sharing an extremely superb internet site."
On Sale Uggs
October 28, 2011 @ 5:16 PM"My business is at the same time connected with establishing my website counterfeit oakley sun glasses along with your drupal most beneficial web template modules blog post ended up being sixth is v. very helpful"
jimmy choo ugg
October 31, 2011 @ 1:13 AM"Good article makes constant progress, thank you share, the accumulation of knowledge is to keep learning, attention is the beginning of wealth"
cheap ralph lauren polo
November 1, 2011 @ 4:41 AM"Thank you for your sharing"
thomas sabo
November 2, 2011 @ 4:30 AM"I wanted to thank you for this great read!! I definitely enjoying every little bit of it I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff you post""
north face denali
November 7, 2011 @ 9:58 PM"I'd personally enjoy people that you pick all the way up a significant subject to put in writing a comprehensively helpful article regarding. Hopefully there is a constant cease and make putting up these kinds of beneficial articles on this internet site. My business is genuinely pleased and from now on likely to request my best Custom made Works producing service agency to jot down people a powerful essay or dissertation during this subject."
Women Uggs
November 14, 2011 @ 5:07 AM"'d personally enjoy people that you pick all the way up a significant subject to put in writing a comprehensively helpful article regarding"
Classic Argyle Knit
November 16, 2011 @ 2:23 AM"good article, i like it very much!"
UGG Fashion Boots
November 16, 2011 @ 2:24 AM"please choose our ugg fashion boots"
abercrombie and fitch uk
November 18, 2011 @ 8:53 PM"Your blog article is very intersting and fanstic,at the same time the blog theme is unique and perfect,great job.To your success."
cheap juicy couture
November 23, 2011 @ 4:04 AM"To wear the true religion jeans,you will be a fashion people.There are many cheap true religion jeans for sale on our website,which are in the high quality and lower price.Just come to our true religion outlet to pick your favorite up.Also there are many great bags,such as,Cheap Coach Purses and cheap juicy couture.Come here the coach outlet and juicy couture outlet to make you a fashion women.Coach Bags Store have all kinds of bags that you will like.And the true religion jeans outlet will offer you the charmful jeans."
Ugg Usa
November 26, 2011 @ 7:50 AM"I'd personally enjoy people that you pick all the way up a significant subject to put in writing a comprehensively helpful article regarding. Hopefully there is a constant cease and make putting up these kinds of beneficial articles on this internet site"
Ugg Earmuffs
November 26, 2011 @ 7:50 AM"Also there are many great bags,such as,Cheap Coach Purses and cheap juicy couture.Come here the coach outlet and juicy couture outlet to make you a fashion women."
Christian Louboutin Discount
December 8, 2011 @ 8:25 PM"Do not a lot ofthings people are talking about intelligence. I am glad I have this chance in my relatingsome of the search. Your blog is outstanding;"
Cheap Christian Louboutin
December 8, 2011 @ 8:26 PM"The great masterpiece with nice and informative post and topic that move me and enlarged my eyeline quite a lot.Thanks for sharing with us. I really favor in your blog!"
Christian Louboutin Sale
December 8, 2011 @ 8:27 PM"If only all bloggers offered the same level of content as you, the internet would be a much better place. Please keep it up! Thank you for sharing This knowledge.Excellently written article,"
Supra high tops
December 8, 2011 @ 8:36 PM"I really enjoyed it. I put a link to my site to here so other people can read it. Good oh,Thanks for sharing your article."
Coach Outlet Store Online
December 12, 2011 @ 8:29 PM"This is a very good idea! Just want to say thank you for the information, you have to share Coach Outlet Store Online
. Just continue to write such a position. I will be your faithful reader. Thank you again."
Ugg Classic Cardy
December 13, 2011 @ 8:49 AM"The sort of system that he made use of is a particular you can do despite the place"
Ugg Australia Sale
December 13, 2011 @ 8:50 AM"And it will retain your supporters interested within your items"
the north face
December 19, 2011 @ 1:23 AM"Apple undertaking that we are only at this moment doing work concerning, plus I happen to have been along at the try to get similarly info."
North Face Denali Jacket
December 19, 2011 @ 1:56 AM"You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed."
Cheap NFL Jerseys
December 19, 2011 @ 2:02 AM"Upcoming, reported by your own private like, you may the right gifts suited jerseys. Looking at for the price tag, you may the right gifts low cost jerseys or possibly price
cut jerseys on the web. Having said that, make sure you meticulously simply select the creditworthy internet websites."
Microsoft Office 2010
December 21, 2011 @ 3:31 AM"Microsoft Office 2010 Office is one of the most popular office Microsoft Office 2010 productivity suites available in the market today."
Cheap NFL Jerseys
December 24, 2011 @ 1:22 AM"jointly with acquiring a gorgeous AMERICAN MLB shirt, lovers is normally drastically more determined with this sort of merchandise plus they could have obtained a producer new vendor encouragement meant for participating in hockey at an important suggest of mind. Present recommendations linked toward game in baseball will be also availed by practically any sports activities enjoyment reseller outlets."
Christian Louboutin Discount
December 25, 2011 @ 9:45 PM"I never heard of the Apple TV. Good info you share here. Just a browser browsing the web and came across this website."
Cheap Christian Louboutin
December 25, 2011 @ 9:46 PM"This information is really useful and definitely is comment worthy! Here. I’ll see if I can try to use some of this information for my own blog. Thanks!"
Christian Louboutin Sale
December 25, 2011 @ 9:48 PM"Good question, Chris. Something to investigate... especially since the second side of Abbey Road is one of my most oft-played group of MP3 files!"
Supra high tops
December 25, 2011 @ 9:48 PM"This is a great post and thank you for sharing this nice experience,and hope you can give another posts as soon as possible."
linggege
January 9, 2012 @ 3:49 AM"But think of the forces of family and Nalan Nalan sweet relationship with the cloud-lan, and they had a little unhappy with some promise, stormed out."
Christian Louboutin Discount
January 10, 2012 @ 1:54 AM"Your article is very interesting and humorous. From your article, I can see the true meaning of the word happy. This article, I believe many people are helpful. Very fortunate to share this article to your. Look forward to your updates."
Cheap Christian Louboutin
January 10, 2012 @ 1:56 AM"Of,course! As well know, your article is very attractive, many of my friends have such thoughts, like so many people comment on your articles, look forward to your new works"
Nike high heels
January 12, 2012 @ 2:31 AM"heightened state of alert, but is not a cause for alarm. We have always had knowledge of the what these kids"
payday loans halifax
January 12, 2012 @ 7:08 AM"Hi there! I'm at work browsing your blog from my new iphone! Just wanted to say I love reading your blog and look forward to all your posts! Carry on the outstanding work!"
Have Something to Say?