Priest Texts Nude Photos While Voting For American Idol
Posted on Wednesday, April 8, 2009
(MP) - Father John Paul Hanselswift pushed send on his blackberry storm for the last time from the pulpit of St. Agnes Parish, in Bonsonville, Missouri. The “accident”, (as it is being referred to by the Arch Diocese of Bonsonville), will be sure to send after-shocks through the parish for years to come.
The 8:00 pm mass on Tuesday nights is usually pretty quiet-reserved mostly for widows, and quiet, well-dressed creepy men in their forties who are forced to come by the women they live with: their mothers. However, this Tuesday happened to be the anniversary of the death of local football hero, Ted Downing. Even though Downing passed away 17 years ago under bizarre and questionable circumstances on the St. Agnes swing set with an under-age girl, he was revered as a great role model and pillar of the community. That being said, the Ted Downing Memorial Mass was always quite full.
Standing in front of his parishioners never made Father John nervous. He was always comfortable. So comfortable that he felt succumbing to, “Idol Fever”, and texting in his vote for his favorite American Idol contestant, Adam Lambert, during his sermon, would be no problem at all. Hanselswift knew Lambert would need his help because while following the internet feed on mute, he saw that host, Ryan Seacrest, was unable to keep the show moving along, and went 8 minutes over. Lambert, the crowd favorite, was slotted with the “pimp slot” (the shows closer), and sang his heart out with his Tears for Fears cover, Mad World, to a studio audience only. The rest of the channel 5 audience was already being introduced to a word from the sponsors , by the time Lambert took the stage. As Hanselswift said “Amen” he pushed “send” hoping to fill his vote with that of the Holy Spirit. What Father John Paul didn’t realize was that in his excitement he had only prayed 1-800-IDOL, and hadn’t typed in the numbers. He had merely sent a naked photograph of himself in leather with a ball-gag in his mouth to his entire congregation, using the “send to all” option.
“There were a lot of folks there. A lot of folks found themselves quite upset by it. I’m not going to sugar coat it. It was pretty upsetting", said Amel Lukaewicz, parish elder. “People used to keep their phones off at church but with the 'Idol Fever' going on out there... well…Father John wasn’t the only one trying to send his vote in.”
Being close to your parish comes with the territory of being a good priest. Father John had the cell phone numbers of mostly everyone that had ever been on a church committee, followed him on twitter, or sent him an email. He liked being connected to everyone, and being able to reach out in a moments notice, even when he was spending time with friends in Ibiza. He had probably only fantasized about alter boys getting a good look at his genitals, and never imagined it could actually happen.
Father John was unavailable for comment, according to the Bonsonville Diocese. The only statement released by the Diocese was the following: “We are very sorry that you had to see Father John in this way. We are in agreement that Father John is a sexual deviant, and he will be removed form the parish effective immediately. We will be re-assigning him to serve the people of St. Jerome’s which is a full 20 minutes from Bonsonville. He will only be able to reach you and your children through text messaging, the Internet, and if he’s feeling energetic, a long-distance bike ride on a sunny Saturday afternoon. We hope you can now rest knowing that we will be bringing in Father Philip, who himself, is being re-assigned for suspect behavior at a parish roller rink party in North Bergen. Thank you for remaining good Catholics during this trying time.”
Posted in Celebrity , Local | Make a Comment (26)
Manic Comments
26 Comment(s)
Janesa
May 31, 2011 @ 10:46 PM"I feel so much hpapier now I understand all this. Thanks!"
P90x Workout
July 16, 2011 @ 3:47 AM"You made some good points there. I did a search on the topic and found most people will agree with your blog"
cheap and good quality watches
August 24, 2011 @ 7:19 AM"In 1908 Wilsdorf registered the trademark "rolex watches" and opened an office in La Chaux-de-Fonds, Switzerland. The company name "Rolex" was registered on 15 November 1915. The book The Best of Time:watches for men: An Unauthorized History by Jeffrey P. Hess and James Dowling says that the name was just made up. One story, never confirmed by Wilsdorf, is that the name came from the French phrase horlogerie exquise, meaning "exquisite cheap rolex watches" or as a contraction of "horological excellence". Wilsdorf was said to want his swiss watches brand's name to be easily pronounceable in any language. He also thought that the name "luxury watches online" was onomatopoeic, sounding like a watch being wound. It is easily pronounceable in many languages and, as all letters have the same size, allows to be written symmetrically. It was also short enough to fit on the face of a rolex watches sale.
In 1914 Kew Observatory awarded a OMEGA watches a Class A precision certificate, a distinction which was normally awarded exclusively to marine chronometers.
If you like luxury watches, www.cheap-rolexwatches.org is your best choice."
Cialis Rezeptfrei
September 7, 2011 @ 5:47 AM"FAnjrN Yet, much is unclear. Could you describe in more details..."
vpn america price
September 7, 2011 @ 1:51 PM"I do`t see a feedback or the other coordinates from the blog administration..."
strong vpn download
September 7, 2011 @ 2:24 PM"I`m so grateful that you enlightened me and the most important thing that it happened in time. Just think, I have been using the internet for six years already but it`s the first time I`ve ever heard about it..."
Achat Levitra
September 7, 2011 @ 5:02 PM"Sometimes I also see something like this, but earlier I didn`t pay much attention to this..."
cheap nfl jerseys
September 13, 2011 @ 4:20 AM"good article,I’m positive my followers will find this article really useful."
buy ativans in usa no prescription
September 15, 2011 @ 4:10 PM"Sent the first post, but it wasn`t published. I am writing the second. It's me, the African touristtt"
free online roulette games
September 16, 2011 @ 5:12 AM"Well, actually, a lot of what you write is not quite true ... well, okay, it does not matter:)))"
r4 card
September 22, 2011 @ 5:22 AM"thank you for share the good knowlege. So beautiful posts,all I like,hope to be better then, and enjoy yourself,good luck in your life. Thanks for your ideas to something. Great post, thanks very much, please write more and more about this."
Cap hat
October 3, 2011 @ 2:48 AM"Cap hat
jerseys
jersey store
fitted hats
baseball caps
new era hats
football jersey
headwear
Cheap Jersey
59fifty
NFL Jerseys
basketball jerseys
snapback hats"
evening dresses
October 3, 2011 @ 3:28 AM"quinceanera dresses
cocktail dresses
prom dresses
evening dresses
designer wedding dresses
bridesmaid dresses"
ugg cardy boots
October 3, 2011 @ 8:21 AM"ugg classic boots
ugg boots
cheap ugg boots
ugg cardy boots
discount ugg boots
Knit boots
sheepskin boots
boots outlet
Ankle Boots"
rosetta stone
October 4, 2011 @ 4:24 AM"Thanks for your ideas to something. Great post, thanks very much, please write more and more about this.""
Mulberry factory shop
October 13, 2011 @ 9:39 PM"Welcome to UK Mulberry Factory Shop! Shop luxury Mulberry Bags at online Mulberry factory shop,here you can enjoy many different kinds of fashionable mulberry bags. Mulberry bag is a classic and fashionable brand of Britain. It becomes more and more popular among people in UK."
mac makeup
October 15, 2011 @ 3:30 AM"Just want to say what a great blog you got here!I’ve been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to show my appreciation of your work!"
3ds マジコン
October 26, 2011 @ 7:28 AM"Thank you for sharing good articles, posts and more are waiting.I will read another time. Nice to see you back. And again with an interesting post."
jimmy choo ugg
October 31, 2011 @ 1:05 AM"Sometimes I also see something like this, but earlier I didn`t pay much attention to this."
jimmy choo ugg
October 31, 2011 @ 1:21 AM"I`m so grateful that you enlightened me and the most important thing that it happened in time. Just think, I have been using the internet for six years already but it`s the first time I`ve ever heard about it..."
kamagra oral jelly
November 1, 2011 @ 7:30 AM"6enfzn I read online (computer problems) positive feedback about your resource. Didnt even believe it, and now saw myself. It turned out that I was not fooled!..."
médicament viagra
November 1, 2011 @ 9:14 AM"3siSVI The text is promising, will place the site to my favorites..!"
generique viagra france
November 1, 2011 @ 10:29 AM"52. "The road will be overcome by that person, who goes." I wish you never stopped and be creative - forever..!"
Ralph Lauren Polo
November 2, 2011 @ 4:02 AM"Thank you for your sharing"
Longchamp pliage
November 5, 2011 @ 4:06 AM"Thank you for the good writeup. It in fact was a amusement account it. Look advanced to far added agreeable from you! By the way, how could we communicate?"
burberry
November 8, 2011 @ 2:41 AM"Amazing stuff,Thanks so much for this!This is very useful post for me. This will absolutely going to help me in my projects ."
Have Something to Say?